Updatedness!

Well...hey guys. I know it's been a while since I had a non-chapter blog post. ... so hey! :) How y'all doin? Be honest wit me!
Anyway...the point of this message will be just venting/news/whatever pops into my head like the popcorn in Mrs. D's room's microwave cuz our microwave is stupid.

I got my SAT scores, and Chair and Will {one of whom will probably never read this} always pester me about what I got, so now I can finally tell them something. Most likely I'll forget by the time I see them Sunday and shall direct them here. I'll bet anyone reading this two bucks that Chair won't read this but Will will. Observe the usefulness of predicting one's friends. :)

The three main category thingies were critical reading, math, and writings skills. In critical reading I scored 59, which means I scored higher than 92% of sophmores. In math I got 48. lol. I omitted 9 questions and got 9 wrong. I scored higher than 68% of sophmores. Figures. As I once told my chemistry teacher when told that chemistry was as easy as math, "Math is not my strongpoint." And, lastly, I got a 65 on my writing skills, which means I scored better than 98% of sophmores. So there you have it. Now that all the numbers are out of my head...

*sigh*

Is it just me or does it seem like now, more than ever, people my age are supposed to have their live planned out? Maybe it's just who I surround myself with, but it feels like everyone around me has some inkling of an idea of who they want to become or what they want to do with their lives. And it's not that I don't know what I'm NOT good at. Obviously I'm never going to be a mathmetician or chemical engineer {may I direct you to paragraph 3, sentence 3 of this very blog post}. It's just....arg....

Somehow, in my own mind, I've come to the conclusion that they don't teach the things I need to know in school, and life is too short to do everything that I have on my list to do before I die. {Yes, I do indeed have a Bucket List. ... Yes, driving on the autoban is one of them.} It seems like it's not going to be possible for me to become an animal cop, photographer, comic book artist, writer, journalist, circus freak, makeup artist, selfdefense instructor, volleyball player, singer, creative writing teacher!! I mean how can I possibley do all of that in one life? And which one of these is what God wants me to do? What does He have in mind for me? What if His plans are completely different from my own and He wants me to surrender even my dreams to Him?

...

Can I give it up? Can I let it go? I dunno....I dunno.... the right answer is yes. Just as I'd say "Sure, if someone held a gun to my head and asked me if I was a Christian, I'd say yes" easily, but the moment someone with a pistol approaches me everything starts to get a little fuzzy and my determined resolutions of a moment before seem to blend together. Black and White mix around in their pait pots and turn into one, uniform, sickening grey... I don't think I'll ever know unless it happens - unless my fears are confirmed and I find myself staring down the barrel of a gun. I don't know if I could give up all I've hoped for.

But I sure hope I can. Because, you see, God works in myseterious ways, and it would be so like Him to completely shake me so that all I can hold on to in the world shifting and rumbling around me is Him, because He is the only constant security that I have. When my dreams shatter around me, I'll be forced to cling to Him like a child and trust Him to take care of me, instead of pretending to be tough and strong like I usually do. You see, {and it's strange I'm admitting this at all...perhaps I'll delete this post quite soon} strength is my favorite masquerade - my favorite mask to hide behind to show the world that I'm strong while I quiver in my boots and hope they can't see through me.

What would I do if my hopes were ripped away from me, my strength gone, my world shaken?
I don't think I'll know until it happens, and knowing my God, it just might. Because that would mean He would be my strength. And that's the way it should be.

Wrapping up this ventage-like-post-thing I suppose I shall one day delete....um...I forgot what I was going to say. Woops! Who knows? Perhaps I won't delete it. I guess it's pretty personal, but...I guess I don't mind. I guess I'm an open person. I guess, I guess, I guess because, you see, there's a lot I don't know about me.

ENOUGH ABOUT ME! What about y'all? Did anyone read this? Did anyone care? If you didn't, it's ok; it was more of a self-benefitting get-my-thoughts-out-type-of-thing, ya know?

Well...if anyone did read this and likes to read my blog for some strange reason...I have a few more story ideas running around in the twisted head of mine that I have. {what an odd sentence.} Obviously, the one i am writing now, Jessica...
I also am thinking about this one set in our world where this kid finds this portal cuz he's part dragon or something and he can travel to this other world.
Also, u know how I write like random scenes and stuff? Well, my friend wrote a story about this chick with cancer and that kind of inspired me to write a scene where this chick tells her best friend she has cancer and they like cry together, so I might turn that into something, and who knows - it might bless someone somewhere...I should pray about that one.........
NEXT! um........one that i haven't quite developed but I had the idea for this one time, is an alagorical story about this boy who wants to become a knight and the journey he goes through {symbolic to us, in our jouney as Christians}.
Next on the list would be the one about this guy in medival-magic times who goes on this journey to find this flower to save his dying sister and he meets this spoiled princess on the way and they travel together and stuff.

...that might be it......hm....yeah, i think that's it!

OH ONE MORE THING!
I saw Avatar recently, and I TOTALLY WANT TO BE ONE! I think it would be utterly amazing to be able to jump and climb and run and all that cool stuff like they do. I want to have a tail! i want cat-eats! I want to live in a world where the flowers go "blip!" and shrink into the earth! That was so funny. I want to live in their world so bad. AND OH MY GOODNESS I WANT ONE OF THOSE DRAGON THINGS THAT YOU CAN PLUG YOUR HAIR INTO!!!! Those things are so cool, they're like totally part of you, but they're....not..... I WANNA BE AN AVATAR!!!!

So, conclusively, your pants are on fire because the marshmellows licked them.

~ the slightly delusional Cap'n B! :D